A letter to the New York Post

To us four songs, clown surfing and an imaginary riot is a success. We wanted to emulate The Who at the Rock and Roll Circus but ended up mimicking the Stones at Altamont. It’s also important to report I stopped the show due to sexual assault and violence towards women by Big Apple Circus security. We were not shut down. When the punks didn’t jump through their hoops, the house began blasting a high C note, effectively torturing everyone still on the floor, including performers and employees — putting the B.A.C. on par with Dick Cheney. However we’re gypsies too and we ain’t new when it comes to disappearing into the night. This requires a quick jump under tense circumstances and can often end with casualties. Last night our employees and manager did everything precisely right and we all danced until 5 A.M. with beautiful women. The End.